07 December 2020: Grinding Teeth

I’ve been feeling a little…unnecessary, lately. Useless. Unmotivated. I don’t even feel like working on my blog or working on merch. I’m looking at the world around me, online, in the news, and I’m coming to realize that, if there is a hell, we’re in it.

Death almost feels like a reward, an affirmation that your time in this prison is done and that freedom is finally yours.

I wish for the peace of an eternal blackness, where awareness is meaningless. Anything is better than hearing the immutable voice of that terrified child that exists somewhere in the blackest corner of my thoughts.

Why is he crying? Constantly crying. It’s so fucking irritating.

It’s Monday again. I have to tell a bunch of customers their cars will be repossessed. I have to acknowledge their desperation, take in the smell of their turmoil, I have to gently remind them that they signed a contract and business, sadly, is business.

I keep grinding my teeth. I don’t feel good right now.

It’s 2.00 AM.

Maybe I can keep this up.

Categories: Meditations

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