Black & Hellbound Satirical News

In Stunning Twist, President Trump Endorsed by Beelzebub

Washington, D.C — In a stunning shift from a six millennia policy of hate for all mankind, the Prince of the Power the Air endorsed incumbent President Donald J. Trump for president, citing his belief that no man who ever lived did more to cause such a crisis of faith as what infects the various major religions of the world.

“I couldn’t have planned it better myself,” quipped the King of Abaddon. “That God Himself would let this happen, it’s… Well, it’s not like a miracle or anything. I mean, there were Adam, Eve, Cain, Noah, Abraham, Moses, David, Solomon, Judas, Peter… [Expletive] Paul!”

When asked the set of policies that convinced Beelzebub, the Father of Lies pointed to Trump’s child separation policy as well as the president’s handling of the coronavirus pandemic.

“I mean, you gotta hand it to him. No other American has the courage of his conviction to go that extra mile to make the United States look like a complete shit hole country. It’s the Whore of Babylon. It’s THE (emphasis Lucifer) Whore of Babylon, almost literally. No need for me to sow my royal oats, because how he’s handling this pandemic is nothing short of artistic. And the truth is, I don’t want kids, so the Trump presidency is welcome. Let Trump do the work of the Beast.”

The Morning Star shared with B&HSN an email correspondence between he and President Trump but requests we not share the contents, and B&HSN has agreed to this request. We can, however, report that, much like with various world leaders the likes if Kim Jong Un, Putin, Xi, and Duarte, President Trump and Satan are on very good terms.

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