I’ve decided I’m not going to call white people “white people” anymore. My girlfriend, a white woman, introduced me to a word that apparently makes her cringe (because it makes her think of how shitty some of her ancestors were):
Admittedly, I won’t use that one because it’s too harsh, in my opinion. It’s fine fighting fire with fire, but creating a racial slur just to combat the use of another racial slur seems counterproductive. So I’ve settled on something else:
IKR? I mean, somebody else probably came up with that already, but what better way to acknowledge that melanin-challenged skin is not actually special? No offense, my melanin-challenged friends, under no circumstance would I ever want to wear your flesh. I mean I’d never want to be your color, not I don’t want to wear you as a costume this upcoming Halloween.
Despite the boasts of neo-Nazis white supremacists, and other incel types who wish we would all just believe them when they say that melanin-challenged people are responsible for civilization and are uber smart, the snow-flakiest people I’ve ever encountered anywhere on planet-fucking-Earth are those assholes. And listen, to be fair, most of the melanin-challenged people I have ever known were great people. Some of them were remarkably close friends. A lot of my ex-girlfriends and previous love interests are melanin-challenged. Why? Because I’ve never encountered a flesh tone capable of enhancing my sexual experience, so it never fucking mattered what color they were.
What is the latest right-wing rage? Fucking survival (vis-à-vis masks), because apparently that shit is un-American.
The same people who protested women’s right to choose an abortion are the very same people complaining about having their bodies violated and their freedoms taken because they’ve been mandated to wear masks. Melanin-challenged Jerries are threatening to use their second amendment on the politicians they elected, and the Karen-a-virus (or the she-probably-wants-a-manager-because-the-cashier-is-Chinese virus) is spreading through the nation faster than Rep. Steve King can say the N-word.
Melanin-challenged conservatives are losing their shit every single day over alleged violations of their autonomy. And not one of them has sat back, took a great big gulp from a tall glass of please get your goddamn life together and thought to themselves, “Gee, how I feel about not being allowed into a store for not wearing a mask–a thing totally within my control and a minor inconvenience in the grand scheme of things—must be how f*gg*** and n*gg*** feel about being turned away from the bakery or having the cops called on them and then being murdered to death over shit they can’t control”.
The main point is this: I’m tired of hearing melanin-challenged conservatives whine about shit. All day every day, they protest over actual first world bull. Kap gets an endorsement from Nike? Burn the shoes you already paid for. Spongebob gets time on the big screen? Repress your sexuality further and demand movie theaters stop playing that demonic homoerotic goodness you very much wish you could enjoy but can’t because you’re bound by the 3000 year-old dictates of a non-existent deity who allegedly crafted what most physicists agree is a pretty haphazardly put-together reality. *Seriously, you don’t drown your baby in the bathtub because it wasn’t the exact baby you wanted.*
“Unless that baby is Trump,” he whispers to himself as he considers whether or not it’s risky to say that. “What the hell,” he says, tap-tap-tapping at his keyboard with the glee of an ignorant douchebag.
When black people, non-black PoCs, women, the lgbtqia+ community and other disenfranchised peoples protest, it is taken less seriously but criticized more frequently than when white kids riot over their favorite local football team losing a game that none of those kids will get anything out of. One of those kids might go to college, but the rest of them are probably going to be future cops with excessive force complaints nobody will do anything about because black people have just been making this shit up the whole time.
When it comes to the Coronavirus, the cowardice and hypocrisy of the melanin-challenged conservative is brought to the fore. He cares nothing for anybody but himself. At least until someone he cares for bites the dust.